UL: Well everyone, the toast has been buttered...
Mettaton: And the potatoes have been mashed... Who will prevail?
UL: My fellow viewers...IT'S TIME FOR DRAMA!
Mettaton: IT'S TIME FOR VIOLENCE!
UL: IT'S TIME FOR ACTION!
Mettaton: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
Location: Metro City
Time: 6:24 PM
(Recommend looping)
In the crime-ridden streets of Metro City, violence and chaos ran rampant through the streets as far as the eye can see. From muggings and robberies being a common occurrence, gang wars happening all throughout the city, and brutal underground sports being held where fighters are forced to tear each other down in bloody fashion, the whole entire city was a complete and total war zone. Mike Haggar was hard at work trying to lower crime rates but for the time being, the criminal underground held greater power in the city.
However, despite crime rates being at an all-time high, it wasn’t stopping three young lads to capitalize on the large profits made from underground sports...
“Okay, this doesn’t add up. I’m lookin’ at your client here and you’re sayin’ that he’s twenty-seven yet he clearly looks well below eighteen…” The promoter said, giving a glance at the profile of this supposedly new client before turning his attention back at three youngsters sitting across from him.
The trio consisted of a short kid dressed in a yellow shirt with three individual black hairs sprouting from his head, another kid dressed in an orange shirt with a black beanie with two white stripes covering his head, and finally a long-necked kid with a unibrow dressed in a green jacket and an undershirt with red and white stripes that was currently picking at his ear with a dopey smile on his face.
These were the infamous Eds, who had come all the way from Peach Creek to Metro City in order to gain a fat juicy profit, named Eddy, Double D, and the one who was being signed up for an underground fighting tournament, Ed.
“Oh, uhh yeah! He looks like that because uh… He used aftershave?” Eddy said, trying to hide the fact that Ed was just a kid while Double D covered his face in embarrassment at Eddy’s excuse. The promoter stared at Eddy for a few seconds before shrugging and putting the profile aside.
“Eh, fair enough I guess. Pencil neck’s first fight starts in an hour and a half so get ready.” He said, resting against his chair and taking a puff from a cigar.
“Er… Excuse me, sir. if it’s not too much to ask, but whom will Ed be facing off tonight?” Double D said anxiously.
“Oh, his opponent? Yeah, he’ll be fighting... uh... Bonesaw, VERY dangerous wrestler we got. Hospitalized several men, your friend will be perfect half-time entertainment for him.” The promoter said bluntly. Understandably, Double D’s anxious look turned to a horrified grimace.
“W-what!? This is preposterous! C-clearly you can’t just immediately have Ed duke it out with one of your strongest fighters! He just applied, shouldn't it be better that he goes up against someone who wouldn't decimate him on the ring?” Double D said in protest, while the promoter cocked a brow before a thought occurred to him.
“Oooh yeah… Just remembered he was hospitalized last night..." He said as Double D sighed with relief, hoping that Ed would at least be pitted against someone that was at least equal to him.
“Eh, we’ll just pit him against the guy who put him in the hospital then.” The organizer immediately responded, making Double D panic even more.
“W-WHAT!? SIR, HAVE SOME HUMAN DECENCY PLEASE! YOU CAN'T SIMPLY ALLOW MY FRIEND TO BE TORN APART BY SOME MUSCLE-BOUND BARBARIAN! I BEG Y-” Double D was immediately cut off by the promoter.
“Look, Mr. Poet, I ain’t got time to hear your damn belly-achin'. Now get your client ready, the fight starts in an hour and a half.” The promoter groaned while Eddy grinned and wrapped an arm around Ed’s shoulder.
“You got it! C’mon Ed, let’s see you make mincemeat outta that sucker so that we can win a boatload of jawbreakers!” Eddy laughed while Ed took his finger out of his ear, still baring that big toothy grin.
“I’m going fishing on this boat!” Ed said with a laugh as the three exited the office. Ed and Eddy casually strolled down the halls with Double D a few feet behind them. The sock-headed prodigy was clearly distraught by the fact that Eddy was opting to have Ed undergo an illegal fighting tournament of all things.
“I don’t think I have the mental capacity to believe you, Eddy!” Double D cried while his shorter friend merely shrugged off his complaint.
“Hey, you’re makin’ a fuss outta nothing! Ed’s tough, he can handle a few beefy schmucks in costumes. Besides, it’s all fake anyway! So don't sweat it, sockhead.” Eddy said without a hint of care in his voice while Double D sprinted to catch up with his two comrades.
“Eddy, there’s a crystal clear difference between wrestling being displayed on television and underground fighting. Ed will be brutally mauled in front of a cheering audience as if it were Ancient Rome!” The more rational member of the Eds to protest but Eddy and Ed simply kept walking, completely apathetic to the danger that the noodle-head would surely be facing.
“Will ya quit ‘yer cryin’ already? We both know how strong Ed is so why don’t we try to make a mint off of it? Besides, he’s a way better wrestler than you!” Eddy chuckled while Double D sighed with embarrassment, remembering his time as the Masked Mumbler.
“Will you please listen to me, Eddy!? This is way different! Of course, Ed’s physical capabilities are rather uncanny but we’re putting him in severe danger, and for what? A large sum of money!?" Double D said, continuing to worry about Ed’s situation.
“Exactly!” Eddy responded, making Eddward sigh before face-palming once again.
“Look, just quit your grippin' already, Sockhead. Ed’s totally got this! Ain’t that right monobrow?” Eddy said, turning head over to his dim-witted friend, fiddling around with his lower lip, who turned his head over to Eddy with a jubilant grin.
“I’m gonna be making that meat, Eddy! With mashed potatoes and gravy too, yum!~” Ed said, licking his lips. Double D couldn't help but manage out a worried sigh for his companion, fearful of what was yet to come.
“Why must my life be plagued with idiocy and misfortune?” The sock-headed genius asked himself.
Location: Underground Wrestling Arena
Time: 8:46
A sea of spectators crowded the seats that surrounded the wrestling ring as the crowds roared and cheers filled the arena, yearning for another chaotic night of brutal action between two brutal wrestlers.
The venue wasn't just the packed crowd of onlookers who were pumped for some high-octane bloody wrestling unfold before their eyes, Double D and Eddy were among the crowd with the latter of the duo taking bets with a stand set out and a jar that was starting to fill up with betting money. Gamblers scrambled over to the stand, emptying their pockets and filling up the jar with countless dollar bills that made Eddy wear a cheek-to-cheek grin.
“Come on folks, come place your bets on The Monobrow or whoever he’s gonna be making mincemeat out of! Watch wipe the floor with whatever chump he’s going up against!” Eddy announced as several spectators placed their bets on tonight’s combatants while Double felt even sicker in his gut. The fact that Ed’s life was in mortal danger and that Eddy was capitalizing on his friend’s peril made him physically ill. However, as Eddy continued to get his jar filled to the brim with money, a seductive female voice began to call out to him.
"Oh, well isn't this just adorable..."
Looking over, he saw a sight to behold- a pink-haired woman in a short, white tank top and daisy dukes was peering downwards at him with her hands on her hips and a condescending smirk plastered on her features.
"Seems like the worst place to put your little lemonade stand here, wouldn't you say?~" The lady jeered with a chuckle. Double D couldn't help but feel a cold sweat, mainly due to the woman's skimpy attire and intimidating appearance, as he backed away slightly. Eddy, on the other hand, was more annoyed than scared as he furrowed his brow and pointed a finger at the lady.
"Hey, watch your mouth will ya!? If you ain't gonna bet then do me a solid and SCRAM!" Eddy retorted, only getting a chuckle from the lady.
"No need to get testy with me, kid. I'm only just teasin'." Poison chuckled, folding her arms. "So tell me, what brings you to these parts, boy?"
“Well, duh, I brought my friend here to win.” Eddy said, prompting Poison to raise a brow.
"Your friend, huh? And who would that be?" The woman said before suddenly, the lights surrounding the arena started to dim.
"Well, you're about to find out!" The scammer replied with a smirk of his own. In the center of a ring stood a middle-aged man with short black hair, decked out in a pair of shades and a blazer, who put a microphone up to his lips, and began to speak to the audience in a bold and exciting tone of voice.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER BRUTAL BOUT THAT WILL LEAVE YOU SPEECHLESS!?"
The audience responded with a roaring cheer while the announce stepped out of the ring and made his way down the entrance ramp
"What's our name, kid?" The Announcer whispered over to the curtain, to which he replied with a dopey laugh from Ed.
"Hello, my name is Ed!" The monobrow chuckled.
"No, you moron, not your actual name. Your stage name, what is it?" He impatiently asked, pulling his shades down to reveal a glare of exasperation. After a few seconds of silence, Ed gave his response.
"Uh... Hello, my name is Ed!" He laughed again while The Announcer rolled his eyes and sighed, pulling his shades back up.
"Fine, whatever..." He muttered before turning his attention to the crowd.
"FOR OUR FIRST CHALLENGER, HE'S COME FROM A LONG WAY HOME FROM METRO CITY AND HE'S STARTIN' HIS WRESTLING CAREER WITH A DEATH MARCH! GIVE IT UP FOR... Ugh... ED!"
The announcer cocked his head over to Ed, who still standing by the entryway with a moronic grin plastered on his face.
"That's your cue, stupid! Get a move on already!" The announcer scolded, Ed's unibrow widened slightly while a confused look took over his his face. The crowd was starting to quiet down in anticipation for the new contender and without wanting to waste more time, the announce kicked Ed right in the rear and sent him tumbling down the entrance stage and comically bounce along the corridor before his whole body came into contact with the ropes.
"WOOAAH!" Ed shouted as he ended up tangling himself in the ring ropes with his body before squeezing himself right onto the right, landing flat on his face. The once roaring crowd was now silent as a church mouse, watching this random kid get back onto his feet before giving a smile and waving to the audience.
"Hello, my name is Ed!" He greeted the violence-craving audience with a dopey laugh.
"...THAT'S your guy?..." Poison commented, almost astonished by this display of idiocy. So much so that she was unable to stifle a haughty chuckle. "Oh man, this is too good to be true!"
"Oh yeah? And what makes the other guy so special!? Willing to bet he's trying a fake a broken leg to wuss out!" Eddy exclaimed, oozing with confidence. Poison merely smirked and laughed, ready to see this kid's hopes break.
"You'll see~" She ominously teased with a wink.
Meanwhile, the announcer sighed with annoyance, knowing how much of an embarrassment this was all going turn out. But nevertheless, the show must go on.
"AND NOW FOR HIS CHALLENGER! THE GERMAN GOLIATH! THE CARRIER OF THE ANDORE FAMILY TORCH! YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IS GONNA BE MANGLING THIS POOR SAP. GIVE IT UP FOR HUGO ANDOOOOOOORE!!!"
Suddenly the ground began to quake from the sound of thunderous footsteps that could only be made by a monster. So loud that Eddy nearly fell from his seat. Ed could feel the ground behind him vibrate as he cocked his head over to the entrance ramp. A terrifying figure began to emerge into plain view as the behemoth revealed itself to be a lumbering giant of a man with long raven hair, cladded in a pink leopard-printed tank top and matching pants. Hugo Andore had come out to mangle his poor foe on this night...
"RAUUUUUUUUUGH!!!" Hugo roared aloud, raising his muscular arms in the air while the crowd cheered him on.
Eddy began sweating bullets, a slight nervousness in him. Sure, wrestling was probably a hoax. But this man… was TITANIC. It seemed he would easily crush the poor pup with a simple clap of his hands.
“Good luck, kids.” Poison’s words rang out to the now shivering Double D and Eddy. “You’ll need it.”
"E-Eddy?..." Double D nervoulsy ushered to his shorter friend, who was just as terrified as him. However, Eddy kept a smile, albeit a very sheepish one at that.
"Heheh... Uh... What are you worrying about? H-he's just some freakishly tall guy! Lumpy can take care of him no problem, he's not afraid of him!... Is he?..." The no-necked chump said, sweat dribbling down his brow.
Eddy couldn't be more wrong in his whole entire life, Ed was terrified. The sight of the colossal man standing before him, gazing down upon him with a cold, emotionless glare reminded him much of when a monster has the main characters trapped in a corner in all the movies he had watched in his free time. However, this was no movie, this was real.
"You are so small..." Hugo remarked, folding his muscular arms with his cold-hearted gaze still piercing into Ed's soul. "Are you scared?..."
“J-Just a little bit.” Ed answered honestly. Truth be told, he really didn’t have to say the obvious aloud. His violently quivering body already gave away the emotions he was feeling. However, he soon snapped out of it and straightened out, a determined look coming from his unibrow. “But Ed shall be strong potato.”
“You’ve got guts, kid.” Hugo stated, slightly annoyed and intrigued by what his soon-to-be foe just said. “But I will be the big potato!”
“ALLLLLLRIGHTY FOLKS! IT SEEMS OUR COMBATANTS ARE READY TO RRRRRUMBLEEEEE! ARE YOU ALL READY FOR THIS FIGHT TO COMMENCE?”
Eddy and Poison stared at each other in disbelief and reassurance. They hoped their side won- but who would win?
The cheers of the crowds, admittedly, made both sides quite nervous. The turnout was a bit bigger than usual… now, they had to give it their all while putting on one hell of a show. Just then a thought occurred to Ed as he placed both his hands over his eyes.
"If Ed closes eyes and opens them, I will be in my happy place!" He said to himself, hoping by some miracle that he wouldn't be face to face with this towering behemoth of a man. After a few seconds, Ed moved his fingers to see if he was in his 'happy place'.
He was not.
"Uh oh."
“DING DING DING! FIGHT!”
